Barriers and Fenders

We humans have the tendency to be defensive when any aspect of our lives are being threatened or in any way being challenged.

Putting up defenses for myself has backfired many times, more often than not I find myself worse than taking direct hit.
Putting up defense would mean doing/ saying things that would rally to my aid so I wouldn't get hurt.
I'm guilty taking offense as my best defense. It evidently isn't the best. And I am held accountable for every of my reflexes too.

It's Monday again...

I was told that I shouldn't place too much pressure of my own creation on myself.
I was told that I should take my soul to work; I should love what I do; shouldn't take another day's work as just another day's work.

Today is the 1st day in my 2nd month of work..

Ask me how I feel today...

I am deprived of sleep..
I am troubled from the events of last night..
I feel sad for failing to keep this relationship happy again..

Despite of all that, I have to gather my strength to face the day in every positive manner.

You used to kiss me goodbye.
You used to send me off at the door.

And I just realized all that was merely a month ago.
It felt like a long time ago cuz I wanted to put the event prior to my first day of work in the past. Because we had so much fun and good times in the month.

I do appreciate that you're here. I appreciate the journey you took to get here.
And I do remember that you'd need to go through another journey of taking public transport to go back.
I came clean with you. I;m hiding nothing from you. You know Everything about me, including what I can and can't do. Hence when you asked me how you'd be going back today. Once again I felt helpless.
To suggest that you walk to the lrt station would sound really unappreciative. Believe me when I say I'd never want you to do so if I could help it. The other option would be that you wait for me to come home from work. which is what we're about to do, yes?

I'm sorry for all that waiting that you have to go through. I'm sorry you have to take public transport; that I couldn't send you back to malacca personally. I'm sorry I'm not in a position that allows me to leave from work at will.

I'm sorry I'm not yet the man that I ought to be.