Choice, Chance and Changes

"Change is the only constant in life." 

I'm not deep or whatsoever.. I just happened to have picked this line from a movie series (not even the movie but just the TV commercial).. I think it was scrubs. 

But it's kind of the plain truth.. Changes in life is sort of the indication that we still live.. People who will never change are the ones enriching the soil of the earth.

There's so much to say but so little time.

October is or was; depending on whether I can finish this post in time; a month full of changes. And Making Choices comes with the package. And chances is the promotional buy 2 free 1 gift. 

How does one summarizes a month full of events?

There's me graduating... Great time spent with friends and family.. Cows slaughtered.. Jobs hunted and so much more.. so much to reminisce about and so much to thank God for.. 

oh darn... it's 7.25!!!

<<<< TO BE CONTINUED >>>>

"I'll be right back after the commercials" xD 

I'm back.. 

And another few days passed.. with much happenings..

Not long ago, I was at this very situation, wondering what and how it's going to be when I'm out of Uni and thrown into the working world. 3 months have passed and I'm back to this job hunting situation again. I am forced to make decisions again.

But no decision I make seems to be right. Let me put my train of thoughts in words. Let's just start with me not agreeing with my current job. Everything in me wants to leave for good. When I act on it.. I regret it.. I take back my letter. And the more I thought of staying, more is pushing me to leave. Then I'll have to decide whether to leave for good, which I did and informed my boss. Then my boss and I had a session and his words made me doubt my decision but no incentive were intended for me to stay. And then I thought no harm making request since no one's gonna put anything on your plate if you don't ask. I did choose my words carefully and asked nicely. But he refuses to reply me, which made me doubt my action of requesting again. It made me think that I might be overstepping my border.

If I leave this company for good, then why did i join in the first place. And this made me think way back to my first decision of ever starting work before looking further. cuz now my 3months experience which means nothing to the society is now a hindrance rather than advantage. 

If they were gonna hire a fresh graduate anyway. One with 3 months of working experience and another with none, they still face the risk of both leaving after a few months. I just don't get how I'm in the disadvantage side. 

The mind of the society is so twisted. Or maybe it's just me... 

Afterall, this has always been subjected to relativity of the world which we unfortunately live in..

My boss asked me a question.

What do I want in life. An ordinary life or something more, a life of abundance. 

Everyone wants to be achieve a certain level of affluence, in pursuit of wealth and stuff. 

My mind has suffered enough damage from self-contradictory thoughts. I blame genetics for having so much grey hair but I know better. 

It's time I just let go of the wheel since I haven't been steering myself to the right direction so far. 

I shall live however life would have me. 

I did what I did and asked for what I wished. If God wills it, I shall receive. I might have made one too many bad decisions but it's not like I sinned because I made wrong choices. Whatever happens, I shall take it as God's will by default. 

A great weekend awaits.. 

Honey be careful cuz there might be a demonstration this saturday.. Just be EXTRA careful and come back to me safely.. 

I love you..  

Mayonnaise Low...

Imagine the office's printer runs on Mayonnaise instead of toner.. lol..

I'd be eating them papers all day... 

Awesome puke rainbows cake is awesome.. 

Oh darn.. I don't know how to blog anymore.. Maybe it's the long hours of sleep. I just realized that I slept for 7+ hours.. That's almost as long as working hours.. but it sure doesn't feel that way =.=

On a happier side note.. I'll be back to see my darling TOMORROW! yay! 

I liked that 7 cheese pizza btw. hahah

We looked so cute together don't you think.. hahaha.. :P

Aaahhh.. it's 7.30am.. Gotta go..
Good morning darling and have an awesome day =)

Shit Happens when I draw closer to God

I started doing my devotion again just before I started work and my relationship almost ended.

I posted a daily bread entry and finding every opportunity to praise the Lord and wish to bless others as well but I was questioned. not just once but thrice about what timing is right. as if I needed a valid reason to praise the Lord.

I missed many Sundays and I haven't been to church for a while. and I was determined to go and some how something has to drain me enough to not have the energy to wake up for church.

The effort and attempt to fight the inclination to blame God for my unaccredited degree, the stagnation of career for the week doesn't seem to matter. Despite all that I did to try to draw near to God, and HE couldn't make sure that I have strength to run back to HIM. I find it hard to believe that HE's reaching out to us right now.

Me trying to give her heads up about delays of buses anticipating impatience and unrest, trying to be strong for her ended up with a misunderstanding. My desire to give her the best to pick her, thinking she's taking a bus to KL instead and then back home via train was seen as an inability to comprehend messages.

More than 5 hours spent driving that day didn't seem like a big deal apparently. Or maybe I should be flattered cuz I was expected to be able to handle that kinda wear.

I'm not Happy. 

I know that life is never a bed of roses. 

I'm just trying to salvage joy. Every bit that life can spare. 

But I guess trying is never enough..no amount of that is ever enough.

Trying is the biggest illusion in life. 

We're all caught in a same rat race. Running and trying in circles but never gets anywhere.

Trying creates an illusion that someday we might get there. 

Never stop trying... now I know what it means..

cuz trying Never Stops.. The need to try is because you're not there. 

If you never stop trying, you'll never get there. 

The damn irony.. 

Maybe it's the late hour but I'm not too sure,

cuz that made perfect sense to me right now. 

I need NOS...

Nitrous Oxide : colourless chemical compound that boost cars and makes you laugh = Awesome..

Ever wondered why people are so gloom as they grow older? Maybe it's not applicable to everyone but I sure do fall into the same category.

I forgot when was the last time I sat around talking about things that don't particularly make much sense and laughing our guts out... Hell I don't even quite remember when i last talked to any of my friends even about some less nonsensical stuff.. 

Suddenly I miss school, I miss my Uni days.. It wasn't much to reminisce on but it sure hell beats now.. All that i think of lately is what am I gonna do after work; when is lunch; is weekend coming soon; when am i getting a raise.. 

I miss my pair of red shoes that I used to wear to class everyday.. Now I don't even wear them on weekends. 

I miss laughing... not the 'lol' kinda laugh.. but Real laughter... one that is audible.. or not when it gets too funny.. My sense of humor is going .. I don't know what amuses me anymore..

I miss playing guitar.. what a transition has taken place.. left uni and thrown into a world of uncertainties, true friends are gone or going.. more decision makings.. less people to talk to.. less things to talk about.. some things are not expected to be talked about or shared.. clients to please... policies to abide to.. regulations to comply.. bills to pay... hours of Jam to drive through.. Hell i don't even have my xbox to kill artificial intelligence.. 

I even realize that my boss is just like my PSM supervisor.. correcting my language in a correspondence letter i typed.. and his command of language is only mediocre.. and surprisingly i didn't find that too hard to bear. Well i guess that was exactly what i was prepared for.. Uni is a place to prepare us for these after all. 

One has to wonder if this is only a phase in life.. Will it get any better from this point forth? or is it really just gonna go downhill from here following the orthodox paradigm of life.. 

Life doesn't suck that much when it's only just a phase.. 

But when there's nothing much to look forward to.. 

The losing of hope is the end for anyone.. 

I don't wanna live like that.. 

One does not simply live without Electric Guitars and Amps..

I wanna get an amp.. I fucking NEED one.. 

This is just another mistake that I'm gonna make and wake to regret.. at least until the next paycheck..

I made one too many bad decisions in life.. What's another.. 

Lambent Lantern

Mid-Autumn Festival...  

A time when MoonCake manufacturers draw swords and slay **figuratively of course** anyone who participates in this little festival by buying mooncakes cuz these mooncakes (nice ones at least) are freaking expensive and they're only a mouthful when one is hungry... hahaha

Anyway, we had our little family celebration and we had lanterns =)

We look so cute together xD

Last night i had a dream again.. I really don't remember what that dream was about but I do recall chasing down a rather big size dude with his own group of backups.. I had to draw my blade.. hehe.. 

Yes.. My little pocket blade. One that I've only used in my dreams.. lol..

Well, I haven't been feeling too good about myself of late..

All the happenings around me sort of pulled me down though I know i should be happy for the good that is going around with my friends.

Self-pity and all nonsense and whatnot kicked in and I let myself drown in the emo pool.. 

I was even playing some really emo tunes on my guitar subconsciously.. After pouring my thoughts out with my darling.. I felt much better.. 

I decided to trust God and persevere on since He has placed me there.. The daily bread post was just what I needed to get me back on my feet this very morning.

Later in the afternoon I had a good chat with Jeff..

He is the greatest mentor one can ever ask for. I thank God for him. Jeff shared his experience and dropped me some advice. Shared his views in life and his passion. 

I thank God that we share the same faith too. Although he's not particularly a strong one but who am I to judge. On the other hand, if God can use me in any way to help him grow in his faith, I'm willing. 

I'm glad to have a patient teacher and a good friend.. hehe.. (we talk about music all the time.. different kind of music but music nonetheless) 

Quote Jeff:

Put in your hours and effort in work. But don't forget to live.. 

Hence the playing of guitar (not play for the sake of being emo)..