In our haste to save the nation...

... take care that we don't destroy it.

The 508 rally was the first political rally that I have ever attended. It was one of the most memorable experience for me. It might be so because it was my first experience; especially one with everyone's morale for change is still high.

Exactly a week ago my family and I (except my brother) went to Bali for our yearly family trip; an annual event inaugurated last year. I left my country with a heavy heart knowing that I am not able to do a part for my country in what I was expecting to be a grand history making of Malaysia. The thought that I will not be able to stand proud and say I voted saddened me throughout the trip.

If you ask me if I enjoyed the trip, well no I did not. Partially because maybe Bali isn't really a good place for a family trip with parents and a kid with me in between the age gap alone. But mostly because of the election that was about to take place. In my helplessness, I turned into a kid and whine about it.

Then came the infamous GE-13 and we all know what happened. Fair or fraud, like it or not, we lost. A fusion of mixed feelings, both anger and despair swept across our nation. Curses and swears are thrown around like a barrage of arrows across the cyber space.

Nonetheless, Teresa Kok won by a mile and as a consolation, my vote would have been technically redundant (but not in spirit). That helped me got over it. And the fact that the "indelible" ink can be easily removed was used has saved me from feeling left out with stainless index finger.

  This little fella can be too cute at times. 

Coming back to the rally last night. The stadium was meat packed. It was like a metal rock concert without metal music with no chance of hitting ground if a stage dive is performed. Everyone was wearing black. Instead of heart pounding drum beats, there was a continuous blowing of the vuvuzela from across the stadium and we mostly can't hear much.

It was exhausting and I screamed like I've never screamed before. I didn't feel hungry until it was over. I skipped lunch yesterday and only had a few buns during tea break and I lasted until night. Although it was exhausting, more introspection was induced. I was expecting a crowd that is ain't too promising because I felt discouraged myself with that outcome of the election result. But obviously I was wrong. The crowd showed me that we don't back down easily.

However, the introspection started when I came across this article:
A final embrace

There's curse in bloodshed.. But sometimes there is power.. This photo is indeed disturbing but it moved me.
There blood from the man's eye were like tears. Well he ain't no Christ and his blood wasn't shed for me. But it reminded me of Christ.

Then came the part where I think about how I disputed Bangladeshis. I hated their presence. I imagine in my head letting loose a rail gunfire upon the mass number of them. I think i even said that out loud in a random conversation. I had no love for them.

Their presence indeed post a threat to our nation's strive for a better government. But they are only human no less than me trying to make a living on this face of the earth. What has gotten into me that I would give up humanity to hate them. I didn't hate them because of their skin color. I simply hated them because they are here.

"We are not a number" . They are created and loved by God just the same. And they are here because they don't have a choice.  What further convicted me was when I was having my dinner. The foreign worker working there ,Burmese or Bangladeshi , I can't tell but unimportant. I heard him singing the song that is played over and over again on tv; the song that goes "Terima Kasih, ku ucapkan pada mu..." while mopping the floor that we arrogantly walk on. It occurred to me that they might truly be grateful for having a chance to work and earn a living here in Malaysia. It is only unfortunate that the ones that are giving them this chance is the government that we have, BN, and they intend to use them for their own ill intentions.

And I thought to myself could we have been so easily manipulated if we were them? Then I remembered a posts on fb by some grateful Malaysians thanking the Japan government for giving them free education while our own government couldn't. It then further occurred to me that we are equally as manipulable; only on a different level.

For that, I am deeply sorry.

And then there are few more political related articles that I read and it was a little too informative for me to digest. The Corridors of Power. Politicians pulling the strings like this is a game.
"Azmin slams Pakatan".. another food for thought.

I may not understand political scenarios that well. But we have a mandate to not only help bring awareness and unity. We also have a mandate to spread the love of God.
If I have lost my sense of humanity, then what is the point of fighting for a better future.

God bless Malaysia.

Tear & Wear

".. And You laid down your life to set me free.."

Nothing bring tears to my eyes quicker than hearing and being reminded that He DIED to free us. To free Me. No onions can top this.

Being able to cry to the Lord is the most liberating. Let not my heart be hardened that even the Grace of God could not reach me. This is my prayer. 

Workload is getting heavier, doubly so since my senior colleague has been transferred away. And I had my interim appraisal session today. The HR and my boss both expressed of how pleased they are with my performance so far. This ought to be a norm and a habitual practice being a Christian but I guess I've always forgotten to praise the Lord. Hence, All Glory to our God. 

I had a doubts about my current job. Doubt of whether I'd like the job and whether would I stay for long. I left my first job after 3months. Indeed I like my current job at first but I still doubt because I might be liking it because I just got here. But more than 3 months has passed and I proved myself wrong. I still do like my job. Thank God for providing me with a great job and may my work and labor be a praise unto Him and glorifies Him. 

random picture is random

wants..

Words are only doodles if they mean nothing to you.

They can heal ... at the same time kill...

Say too much can bring you harm but if you say nothing and you might as well live in a farm.

The core of actual Buddhist's teaching is centered around serenity and peace and without Wants.

Monks meditate to get rid of desires.. What do we have to say for ourselves then.. well.. The Lord is our shepherd and we shall not be in want.. that pretty much says it all..

It's because we are always wanting stuff.. it's because we Want, hence the devil has something to Give. 

It's when we want, which creates a foothold for predicaments.

I am sad. I've forgotten about feeling sad. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad. It's an emotion. 

Maybe it's because that I've forgotten about sadness that I turn to anger. Maybe that is why I'm always angry all the time, upset at people. frustrated at things. I believe I haven't expressed sadness for some time now. 

What am I really? What do I have to do to make life on earth a little more worthwhile. I came across something that made me think..it's some part of a lyrics i think.. it goes like "she loves him more than he would ever know, he loves her more than he would ever show"... what a sad line.. what could have possibly happened for her to love him more than he'll ever know.. because the guy didn't care enough to notice maybe? and he loves her more than he would ever show? because he loves her but not enough to show it maybe? I don't know the song and my interpretation of that line probably didn't even come close to what it actually meant. But that's not the point. The point is that it made me Think.

But If that is what I say it to be, then this guy doesn't know what he's losing. And I don't want to be that guy. 

Hence I want to notice and treasure every bit of love I can get. And I want to show my love a little more than I had. And with this in mind, I thought I was heading the right direction. But the world is never enough, it will never be. There is always something that is missing. No matter what good you do, your wrong will always bring a much better contrast. 

Friend I've known for half a lifetime can blame you over wet letters, favor means nothing when you don't do it right. It's just another spinoff from "if you can't score a 100.. don't bother getting 90"... Focused on how i failed to deliver something I promised but failing to see why I am here to fail in the first place... Girlfriend getting mad at me over something i failed to say.. missing out on the bigger picture of why we're having that conversation in the first place, which was to share my life as it is.. the things that are going on with me right there and then. 

"What have I done wrong".. this is one of the most frequently asked question isn't it.. but most of the time we ask it in our head for the sake of asking but not to look for an answer.. Well I did today. What have I done that has me into that argument today. I was wrongfully accused of ignoring a question. But if I haven't done that of which I was accused of.. then what happened.. and what could I have done to avoid that. Well of course there's something I could do. I could have just named each an everyone of them and do exactly as I was asked. Just like how I could have just do what I was told and go collect the letters everyday.. 

If there is a higher power in a physical form on earth to judge and this is the sentence passed, then I guess what I should be sorry for is to be human. 

It would seem like we're still in the same place. Still arguing over something that I failed to answer.. Is it really me? Have I not become a better person in any way? Did I not change at all since we first encounter a problem like this..Am I that stubborn a man? 

I paused to think. The first time we argued over something like this, I was in the clinic bringing my aunt for checkup. I really did missed the question. I think that was made clear to me that I should pay attention. Then we argued over putting a name to a person when asked. I think i did just that too. You want to know the people i work with, I took that chance for you to meet some of my colleagues.. I paid 80 bucks for both of us just so you know. You mention to me before that it's my duty to make you feel safe by giving you assurance that I will always be yours. I think I did just that. But it's never enough is it.. But when I say this, I'll be accused of saying general things like "it's never enough for you" without facts to back it up.. But when I come up with facts..I'll be accused of keeping score instead. You fixate on how I get angry more often how my fuse is shorter than before but you fail to see the man that I've become and wanting to be. 

Even little things like my diet. I am not a vegetarian.. You see how you dislike what I normally eat and ask me why but you fail to see that maybe I'm saving for extra so that I can spend on you?  You only think of how you hate questions go unanswered but you do not think of the importance of your question. or what your question implies even if you don't mean it. You never thought of maybe what you wanna know isn't that important compared to what harm it might bring to the relationship.. 

Maybe I think too much.. that's why I'm always tired.. plus the workload. I'm physically and mentally drained. Maybe you've never given it much thought of how taxing it is having to stuck in traffic jams day in day out..well yeah everyone else is in the same situation and there's no way out of it.. why should I be treated any different just because I'm one of them. The world doesn't care. That is why we seek it from the people we love..hoping that they would understand when nobody else do. 

What do I want? maybe that is the question I should Stop asking instead. Because I shouldn't Want. I wouldn't get angry if I didn't want to be justified. I wouldn't be sad if I never wanted to be happy.. The world will be a safer place if people stop wanting. 

2013 !!

The world lives another year...

It's a time when many things start anew; when new calenders are flipped to the first month. 

New resolutions are being made. New diaries are given out. New sales target to achieve. New students going to schools. 

Speaking of diaries.. I have New York's diary.. I mean a new, York's diary, and it's really nice. hahah

Anyway, it's a new year and the world has something to rejoice about again.
There's fireworks. parties, holidays and stuff.. But to me it's just another day like any other festivity.
Only yesterday Derick and I were hanging out and we talked about one of our new year's countdown experience back in those days when we're still schooling. We went to Sungai Wang that year and the streets were packed with human beings that appeared from nowhere.. hahah.. it was so crowded that 5 or 6 of us lost each other in the crowd.. I can't think of anything fun going to places like these.. With mad people spraying foams around.. Local chinese artists singing God Ah Beng knows what.. We didn't like that experience a single bit and that was the last.

In our conversation, i asked why on earth these people are still going to places like this year in year out.. and Derick said it's a phase.. and we lived past it.. hahah.. but the way I see it.. there are many grown ass adults that are much older than us attending these events.. are they Stuck in the phase? Lol.. there's no right answer to that.. only more questions.. makes me wonder if living past the phases of life quickly is actually a good thing..

But we discovered something that will never be a Phase in life.. and that's FIREWORKS..
No matter how damn old you are or think you are.. You will stop and stare.. even for few seconds.. Even DARTH VADER stopped and stared at the fireworks in Disneyland!.. lol
Anyway, my new year wasn't an eventful one but it was nice in its own way.. I get to have dinner with my family.. Counted down with Derick at mamak stall.. hahah..

Ah well.. it's a new year.. we'll live to see Mickey Mouse wield a lightsaber afterall.. hahah..
People make resolutions every year and forget them.. Some resolutions are met.. some are not.. some only lasted for a day even.. I'm guilty of those charges.. all these made me skeptical and pessimistic.. I don't make resolutions any more and even mock at people who believe in resolutions.

That obviously isn't healthy for a anyone with a healthy set of mind. Maybe for once I should make a list and try to achieve as many as possible. Maybe then the next new year wouldn't feel the same..

As for short term bucket list.. here's one to be added to the list.. Fish Meehoon.. Hehe.. I'll bring you there when you're done with finals..

And I thought was the one with weird ideas when it comes to food.. Guess someone took that challenge.. Fine.. you win.. lol

This year is gonna be a whole different year altogether... I'd have worked for a full year by the end of 2013 and taxed.. it's gonna be a year without hanging out with Wing Yew.. Adonis will be back soon though.. so for now hanging out will just be Derick and I.. haha.. speaking of new year.. I really gotta sleep early and wake up early tomorrow.. cuz schools are back and traffic will be hellish.. 

A toast to the new year and a whole lot of other awesome stuffs to come.. 

Blessed new year my darling.. May we have many more together <3.. though we didn't get to spend the new year together this time.. but we will! =) 

Since we last met...

Apparently We've had Deepavali (well.. just a belated celebration lunch), End of the World and then Christmas!... since I last wrote...

Well they say pictures paint a thousand words... Here are they.. hahah

We had a whole lamb.. but for a crowd that size.. it was like a half size hobbit thrown to a pool of piranhas.

I only had one small slice. hehe

And then over the weekend.. ALEXIS came over !!! Wheee... It was a short weekend.. but not unproductive though.. hehe.. I guess the Highlights of the weekend was the bountiful loot from the big bang wolf sale... It was my first time ever going to a BBW sale.. it was massive... and we actually picked the Best time to go. It was Friday night and there weren't many people compared to Sunday! hahaha

I'm not much of a reading person but I like the idea of it.. like how Leonard likes Cheese cakes.. lol

Well still.. I'll read.. though at a ridiculously slow pace compared to my girlfriend who reads a book like how we watch a movie.. ( I can't even finish a movie at a single go these days.. oh dear I'm getting really old)

One of the things we love and missed so much... Home cooked food.. hehe

It wasn't like we're having a big meal or anything.. In fact, all that was on the table were just inexpensive dishes.. but we enjoyed it more than many other foodstuffs out there.. =) we really should do this more often.

And Christmas came early for me this year.. I had my Christmas present from Alexis early and I'm using it already.. hehe.. I love the cup.. It compliments my desk really well..

Of course i use it for hot drinks too and not just for decorative purpose.. hahah.. I have a part of Christmas with me everyday when I go to work now.. 

That wraps up for this post today... Having a steamboat dinner at Wing yew's newly renovated house...

it's probably the last time we see him before he leaves for S'pore.. His farewell party then..I think we'll all miss him... Later.

Closer

A little touch goes a long way in bringing home closer to work.

I don't know what motivates other people to wake up in the morning and lead their daily lives. What purpose do they carry with them that fuels them every morning. 

For me, it's my family and home and the need to keep them together. What fuels me is that I can share the fruits of my labor at the end of the day, or week, or month. 

Here's the office view that I promised =)

Behind me is another smaller half of the office followed by few meeting rooms. 

Anyway, I started doing real work today. I was given assignment and handling orders and replying emails instead of sitting around all day reading this and that. I was too into my work that it didn't occur to me that it was 10mins past twelve until my colleague asked if I wanted to have lunch in the canteen with them. Just before going down my boss asked me to join him for lunch somewhere near and so I did. 

During lunch, knowing that I'm a Christian, he asked me something about my faith. Just general questions non-believers usually ask. Like was it by choice that I converted to Christianity or was it family's upbringing. Do I go to church and stuff. Of course I said I do. But somehow he asked again and it was "so did you go to Church last Sunday?"... I lied and mumbled yeah and continued eating.. 

I haven't been to Church for Weeks.. And I certainly haven't been doing devotions and stuff. Today's incident taught me that God can use anyone to tell me something if He wills it. 

I shall go to Church this Sunday and no excuses. 

We have drifted quite far away from the path we set out. It's time we realign. 

Cats, Coke and Car Wash..

 ...and celebration.

Over the weekend, we bought ourselves a bottle of wine. It was a belated celebration Alexis suggested for us to celebrate on my new job. Actually to think of it, that was my first time corking open a wine bottle. hahah..

It wasn't just us that were celebrating over the weekend though. My brother in law's mother passed away on Saturday. When I attended the funeral, there were no trace of sorrow or tears. Everyone seem to be enjoying themselves and having a good time. Even Ryan was having fun with a pile of sand used for some weird Taoist tiny sword swinging ritual. But then again, I guess it was for the best because she was really old and suffering from all sorts of illness; diabetes being the worst where her flesh started to rot. The family spent a lot of energy and money tending to her illness.. It was a sign of relief from everyone.

 Guess we always have something to celebrate about.. It's December after all, a time of thanksgiving and celebration.

For instance, we found a Cat! hahah.. a cute little brown catlet, Biscuit! I'm sure she's glad she found a home too.. Talking about cat, some cats are in for a treat tomorrow. I shall leave earlier to go feed cats tomorrow. 

And about feeding, I fed myself with rather awesome stuff yesterday and today. hehe.. It really is much nearer to go to Klang from my office than to go home.. Hahah.. Met with my friend, Chee Lung and had dinner at Boston. I suggested Bak kut teh at first but he had better idea.. Indeed it was.. Hahah.. I was quite afraid that I'd get robbed because I brought my laptop down with me.. Before the food came,  a man tried to hit a foreign worker with a chair.. later that evening, some inconsiderate lady double parked and she was right there when the car honked. After about 15mins.. A fried realized it was her car and she was too afraid to repark so the guy went and got scolded by the double parked victim.. Lol.. "Klang" 

Guess that's all for now cuz another tree just fell. My parents are calling out to me. God knows what I can do about it.. There was another that fell this morning. It's like a freaking Michael Jackson music video opposite my house right now.. hahah.. Later... 

Stationary with Stationery

My cubicle & desk

If you haven't heard, well for anyone besides my gf who reads this blog (hopefully not stalker or anyone who intends to rob/steal or kill me), I landed on a new job about a week ago. And i have a cubicle now, not a desk piled up with papers and documents of whoever wish to utilize the space, a laptop, a desk phone and a drawer full of stationery.. I even get a exact same but brand new Casio Scientific calculator... lol

Oh honey.. just in case you have to know.. I'm working in O.Y.L- Condair Industries Sdn. Bhd. as a Marketing Engineer...  The HR exec actually taught us the exact Characters of the company's name. I mean the "." and "-" . hehe.. I might actually like this job. XD

Anyhow, many things happened since my previous post. Can't believe it's almost a month already. Time really flies as you grow older.. But somehow the payday doesn't. Hahah.. 

First it was dilemma.. to leave or not to leave my previous job.. what on earth have I done to my career and stuff.. Job hunting.. drama.. Then came phone calls, emails and interviews.. well it didn't take long for me to get a job though.. Thank God for that..

Then I was blessed with a Desktop installed with Windows 8 which is pretty awesome.. I missed having a desktop. It's not much of a difference from a my laptop besides a bigger screen.. and a better spec for gaming.. hahaha

Tadaa..  My desktop monitor and a lovely portrait.  

And yay.. I got my graduation studio photos back.. They did a pretty decent job.. hehe.. My gf and Ryan .. two of the cutest people are in my family photo =) 

I really like the frame of this photo.. hehe

Tomorrow's our 7th Monthiversary.. we shall see to it that we have many anniversaries =) 

And I shall hope to bring this photo of us together till it turns brown.. <3 

 Maang... I love you my darling <3

Choice, Chance and Changes

"Change is the only constant in life." 

I'm not deep or whatsoever.. I just happened to have picked this line from a movie series (not even the movie but just the TV commercial).. I think it was scrubs. 

But it's kind of the plain truth.. Changes in life is sort of the indication that we still live.. People who will never change are the ones enriching the soil of the earth.

There's so much to say but so little time.

October is or was; depending on whether I can finish this post in time; a month full of changes. And Making Choices comes with the package. And chances is the promotional buy 2 free 1 gift. 

How does one summarizes a month full of events?

There's me graduating... Great time spent with friends and family.. Cows slaughtered.. Jobs hunted and so much more.. so much to reminisce about and so much to thank God for.. 

oh darn... it's 7.25!!!

<<<< TO BE CONTINUED >>>>

"I'll be right back after the commercials" xD 

I'm back.. 

And another few days passed.. with much happenings..

Not long ago, I was at this very situation, wondering what and how it's going to be when I'm out of Uni and thrown into the working world. 3 months have passed and I'm back to this job hunting situation again. I am forced to make decisions again.

But no decision I make seems to be right. Let me put my train of thoughts in words. Let's just start with me not agreeing with my current job. Everything in me wants to leave for good. When I act on it.. I regret it.. I take back my letter. And the more I thought of staying, more is pushing me to leave. Then I'll have to decide whether to leave for good, which I did and informed my boss. Then my boss and I had a session and his words made me doubt my decision but no incentive were intended for me to stay. And then I thought no harm making request since no one's gonna put anything on your plate if you don't ask. I did choose my words carefully and asked nicely. But he refuses to reply me, which made me doubt my action of requesting again. It made me think that I might be overstepping my border.

If I leave this company for good, then why did i join in the first place. And this made me think way back to my first decision of ever starting work before looking further. cuz now my 3months experience which means nothing to the society is now a hindrance rather than advantage. 

If they were gonna hire a fresh graduate anyway. One with 3 months of working experience and another with none, they still face the risk of both leaving after a few months. I just don't get how I'm in the disadvantage side. 

The mind of the society is so twisted. Or maybe it's just me... 

Afterall, this has always been subjected to relativity of the world which we unfortunately live in..

My boss asked me a question.

What do I want in life. An ordinary life or something more, a life of abundance. 

Everyone wants to be achieve a certain level of affluence, in pursuit of wealth and stuff. 

My mind has suffered enough damage from self-contradictory thoughts. I blame genetics for having so much grey hair but I know better. 

It's time I just let go of the wheel since I haven't been steering myself to the right direction so far. 

I shall live however life would have me. 

I did what I did and asked for what I wished. If God wills it, I shall receive. I might have made one too many bad decisions but it's not like I sinned because I made wrong choices. Whatever happens, I shall take it as God's will by default. 

A great weekend awaits.. 

Honey be careful cuz there might be a demonstration this saturday.. Just be EXTRA careful and come back to me safely.. 

I love you..  

Mayonnaise Low...

Imagine the office's printer runs on Mayonnaise instead of toner.. lol..

I'd be eating them papers all day... 

Awesome puke rainbows cake is awesome.. 

Oh darn.. I don't know how to blog anymore.. Maybe it's the long hours of sleep. I just realized that I slept for 7+ hours.. That's almost as long as working hours.. but it sure doesn't feel that way =.=

On a happier side note.. I'll be back to see my darling TOMORROW! yay! 

I liked that 7 cheese pizza btw. hahah

We looked so cute together don't you think.. hahaha.. :P

Aaahhh.. it's 7.30am.. Gotta go..
Good morning darling and have an awesome day =)

Shit Happens when I draw closer to God

I started doing my devotion again just before I started work and my relationship almost ended.

I posted a daily bread entry and finding every opportunity to praise the Lord and wish to bless others as well but I was questioned. not just once but thrice about what timing is right. as if I needed a valid reason to praise the Lord.

I missed many Sundays and I haven't been to church for a while. and I was determined to go and some how something has to drain me enough to not have the energy to wake up for church.

The effort and attempt to fight the inclination to blame God for my unaccredited degree, the stagnation of career for the week doesn't seem to matter. Despite all that I did to try to draw near to God, and HE couldn't make sure that I have strength to run back to HIM. I find it hard to believe that HE's reaching out to us right now.

Me trying to give her heads up about delays of buses anticipating impatience and unrest, trying to be strong for her ended up with a misunderstanding. My desire to give her the best to pick her, thinking she's taking a bus to KL instead and then back home via train was seen as an inability to comprehend messages.

More than 5 hours spent driving that day didn't seem like a big deal apparently. Or maybe I should be flattered cuz I was expected to be able to handle that kinda wear.

I'm not Happy. 

I know that life is never a bed of roses. 

I'm just trying to salvage joy. Every bit that life can spare. 

But I guess trying is never enough..no amount of that is ever enough.

Trying is the biggest illusion in life. 

We're all caught in a same rat race. Running and trying in circles but never gets anywhere.

Trying creates an illusion that someday we might get there. 

Never stop trying... now I know what it means..

cuz trying Never Stops.. The need to try is because you're not there. 

If you never stop trying, you'll never get there. 

The damn irony.. 

Maybe it's the late hour but I'm not too sure,

cuz that made perfect sense to me right now. 

I need NOS...

Nitrous Oxide : colourless chemical compound that boost cars and makes you laugh = Awesome..

Ever wondered why people are so gloom as they grow older? Maybe it's not applicable to everyone but I sure do fall into the same category.

I forgot when was the last time I sat around talking about things that don't particularly make much sense and laughing our guts out... Hell I don't even quite remember when i last talked to any of my friends even about some less nonsensical stuff.. 

Suddenly I miss school, I miss my Uni days.. It wasn't much to reminisce on but it sure hell beats now.. All that i think of lately is what am I gonna do after work; when is lunch; is weekend coming soon; when am i getting a raise.. 

I miss my pair of red shoes that I used to wear to class everyday.. Now I don't even wear them on weekends. 

I miss laughing... not the 'lol' kinda laugh.. but Real laughter... one that is audible.. or not when it gets too funny.. My sense of humor is going .. I don't know what amuses me anymore..

I miss playing guitar.. what a transition has taken place.. left uni and thrown into a world of uncertainties, true friends are gone or going.. more decision makings.. less people to talk to.. less things to talk about.. some things are not expected to be talked about or shared.. clients to please... policies to abide to.. regulations to comply.. bills to pay... hours of Jam to drive through.. Hell i don't even have my xbox to kill artificial intelligence.. 

I even realize that my boss is just like my PSM supervisor.. correcting my language in a correspondence letter i typed.. and his command of language is only mediocre.. and surprisingly i didn't find that too hard to bear. Well i guess that was exactly what i was prepared for.. Uni is a place to prepare us for these after all. 

One has to wonder if this is only a phase in life.. Will it get any better from this point forth? or is it really just gonna go downhill from here following the orthodox paradigm of life.. 

Life doesn't suck that much when it's only just a phase.. 

But when there's nothing much to look forward to.. 

The losing of hope is the end for anyone.. 

I don't wanna live like that.. 

One does not simply live without Electric Guitars and Amps..

I wanna get an amp.. I fucking NEED one.. 

This is just another mistake that I'm gonna make and wake to regret.. at least until the next paycheck..

I made one too many bad decisions in life.. What's another.. 

Lambent Lantern

Mid-Autumn Festival...  

A time when MoonCake manufacturers draw swords and slay **figuratively of course** anyone who participates in this little festival by buying mooncakes cuz these mooncakes (nice ones at least) are freaking expensive and they're only a mouthful when one is hungry... hahaha

Anyway, we had our little family celebration and we had lanterns =)

We look so cute together xD

Last night i had a dream again.. I really don't remember what that dream was about but I do recall chasing down a rather big size dude with his own group of backups.. I had to draw my blade.. hehe.. 

Yes.. My little pocket blade. One that I've only used in my dreams.. lol..

Well, I haven't been feeling too good about myself of late..

All the happenings around me sort of pulled me down though I know i should be happy for the good that is going around with my friends.

Self-pity and all nonsense and whatnot kicked in and I let myself drown in the emo pool.. 

I was even playing some really emo tunes on my guitar subconsciously.. After pouring my thoughts out with my darling.. I felt much better.. 

I decided to trust God and persevere on since He has placed me there.. The daily bread post was just what I needed to get me back on my feet this very morning.

Later in the afternoon I had a good chat with Jeff..

He is the greatest mentor one can ever ask for. I thank God for him. Jeff shared his experience and dropped me some advice. Shared his views in life and his passion. 

I thank God that we share the same faith too. Although he's not particularly a strong one but who am I to judge. On the other hand, if God can use me in any way to help him grow in his faith, I'm willing. 

I'm glad to have a patient teacher and a good friend.. hehe.. (we talk about music all the time.. different kind of music but music nonetheless) 

Quote Jeff:

Put in your hours and effort in work. But don't forget to live.. 

Hence the playing of guitar (not play for the sake of being emo).. 

Meet Coraline....'s cats?

Good morning =)

I miss my girlfriend.....

Random post is random... hehe
Gotta bathe and get to work...

Happy Tuesday..

Short nap turned into deep Long sleep..

.....Long hair turned Short =)

I like !! **is there an emoticon for thumbs up?** lol

(sorry honey.. I know you've been waiting for a new post for a looooong time.. hehe

here's it.. )

Well..  I don't know where to start.. hehe.. September is almost coming to an end.. That means paycheck is coming soon! woohoo.. hehe.. it also means that my 2nd month of probation is coming to an end.. wow.. it's almost 2 months already.. hope i'm not falling behind the expectation of my bosses. 

Anyway.. my birthday was 2 weeks ago? anyway.. Here's the picture of the *from now henceforth it shall be called "Awesome pen"** Alexis gave to me for my birthday.. and a knife which is in the car but i don't have a picture of that.. hehe.. what a nice pen.. =) with my name on it.. 

and I totally forgot about the shirt my friend Aaron gave to me.. The fender t-shirt.. hehe.. 

I wore it today =) such perfect fit.. or maybe cuz i got buffer already.. haha.. 

oh.. swimming yesterday was good.. I got to stretch some muscles and it's more tiring than working out.. and I'm liking what i see on the reflection.. HAHAH.. shit I'm becoming as vain as Adonis.. 

OH!! i haven't get body wash yet... ok.. I shall go get it right away after this..
and btw... Head & Shoulders are not for washing your head and shoulders.. It's shampoo my dear.. hahah..
If that's the case our shampoos are for washing Silk under the Sun... and you can't wash at night =P .. LOL

My convocation is a month from now... hehe.. I'll be taking 2 days leave!
Things to do:
1. Renew driving license
2. Pay whatever outstanding fees and payment in UTeM
3. Get my Alumni card.. (whatever for) & my convo robe **why can't we have Jedi robes instead..
4. Have fun!!
5. Graduate =)

And I asked my mom about that.. She hasn't book any hotel.. she was placed on the waiting list.. omg.. didn't know M'sian so kiasu already.. it's was more than a month from now and the booking list is full ? dafuq.. Hope I can get my brother to come too.. hehe.. and Ryan is starting PRE-pre-school next month.. and my sister might come late.. well.. anyhow it's not like i can bring my whole family into the hall.. but i can rent the robe for an extra day for taking pictures with family.. hehe.. guess I'll just have to meet Ryan and my sister after the ceremony..

we look so cute together.. hehe.. many people liked this picture xD 

I haven't had McD since then.. hehe.. **resist***

Linkin Park was initially called Lincoln Park

"ask not what your company can give you but what you can do for the company"

Those were the words that were given to me by Derick in his attempt to lift me from my monday blues..

Wise man he is.. well i mean those words were quite cliche.. but it has its magic i suppose.. it came with a cost though.. I popped his bubble of a weekend+holiday fun and brought him back to reality.. he just came back from a nice fishing trip.. felt sorry for him.. And i think I kinda miss my handful of friends.. and Adonis too.. 

Past weekends have been rather emotionally draining... I'm not sure if it applies to everyone but I guess weekends and public holiday breaks are what most working individuals look forward to after a long week. I'm not complaining about my work like other would and ramble on about how bad their work is.. but I still look forward to a nice weekend break.. it's sorta like a recharge time.. It makes life worth living.. 

Imagine swimming... most of us aren't anywhere close to being Phelps.. if I was in a big ass pool.. I'd like to swim close to the wall just in case I'm out of breathe and I can grab hold of the ledge for a breather.. Weekends are like that for me.. I need them.. 

I got to chat with my old roommate on fb for a while today.. I haven't caught up with any of my uni mates for a while now.. He working in Penang but contemplating on whether he should continue his job or leave it for a better pay job. I gave him some advice which he appreciated alot and thanked me.. it was much of an advice.. just my views.. anyhow his current job pays better than mine.. well it made me felt sorry for myself for a moment back then.. but i knew exactly what i was heading into when i took the job.. and if God wills it.. I'll do fine.. 

Somethings I say I don't mean it.. but somethings I mean, I don't say.. 

I'm short in many ways.. this is one of them.. 

Work can be tedious regardless of how interesting it is.. and most people feel that way... it drains of one's energy.. When i said my relationship felt like work.. I meant it cuz it was draining me.. of course we all know how hurtful that can sound but it felt pretty logical to me at that moment..

work = draining me... relationship = draining me... relationship = work.. 

Just. THAT.. that was exactly what i meant... no side dishes to that... didn't mean that the love is gone la.. feeling is different and all the other indian curry mutton.. the last part was a random... guess the turban men in the submarine got to me.. hehe

I have no idea why but the pic turn itself.. hahah.. 

anyway.. I'd run myself up the wall if I were to personify that car.. lol..

there's really only 2 possibilities.. one being that he got that shit in one day (one park).. if that's the case then his luck really went to shit that day..hahah

If those shit were accumulated.. then he needs help... he doesn't even bother wiping his windscreen with the wiper? I can hardly see shit (technically we Can..lol) through that window.. hahah

anyway.. Imma go watch another long due episode of Chuck and go to bed.. 

nitez..

Hang In there...

Thank you for blog-stalking darling..Good morning =)

I feel so physically old lately... Easily tired and needing much more sleep than before.

Anyway, to avoid being late to work.. I shall put this post on hold... I'll come back and blog this evening okay...
Have a great day...

I love you <3....

Barriers and Fenders

We humans have the tendency to be defensive when any aspect of our lives are being threatened or in any way being challenged.

Putting up defenses for myself has backfired many times, more often than not I find myself worse than taking direct hit.
Putting up defense would mean doing/ saying things that would rally to my aid so I wouldn't get hurt.
I'm guilty taking offense as my best defense. It evidently isn't the best. And I am held accountable for every of my reflexes too.

It's Monday again...

I was told that I shouldn't place too much pressure of my own creation on myself.
I was told that I should take my soul to work; I should love what I do; shouldn't take another day's work as just another day's work.

Today is the 1st day in my 2nd month of work..

Ask me how I feel today...

I am deprived of sleep..
I am troubled from the events of last night..
I feel sad for failing to keep this relationship happy again..

Despite of all that, I have to gather my strength to face the day in every positive manner.

You used to kiss me goodbye.
You used to send me off at the door.

And I just realized all that was merely a month ago.
It felt like a long time ago cuz I wanted to put the event prior to my first day of work in the past. Because we had so much fun and good times in the month.

I do appreciate that you're here. I appreciate the journey you took to get here.
And I do remember that you'd need to go through another journey of taking public transport to go back.
I came clean with you. I;m hiding nothing from you. You know Everything about me, including what I can and can't do. Hence when you asked me how you'd be going back today. Once again I felt helpless.
To suggest that you walk to the lrt station would sound really unappreciative. Believe me when I say I'd never want you to do so if I could help it. The other option would be that you wait for me to come home from work. which is what we're about to do, yes?

I'm sorry for all that waiting that you have to go through. I'm sorry you have to take public transport; that I couldn't send you back to malacca personally. I'm sorry I'm not in a position that allows me to leave from work at will.

I'm sorry I'm not yet the man that I ought to be.

Monday Blues

I was always a staunch believer of good starts..
Good start of a day... good start of a week... month... etc.

And I also pretty much agree with never leaving home angry to work or your daily routine.. cuz that might be the last thing you ever feel..

I have a wonderful weekend and many blessings to count for.. Although i have a rough start and a short sleep.. Imma salvage whatever awesomeness and start my week and day anyhow.. I need sleep so badly..
Hope i'll last through the day...

Aweshume Possum

Random Aweshume Possum is Random...

Hmmm.... Where do i begin. I had a wonderful....beyond imaginable... pure aweshume weekend and holidays with my beloved Alexis :3 It's really kinda hard to top this.. hehe.. lets see.. There's :

1) My dearest most lovely paling-ayu Alexis was here with me for half the working week

2) The usual weekend Friday fever (yeah.. I've been dragged into the Friday-fever club)

3) The Raya-anticipating and holidays-longing looks on everyone's faces

4) The Raya 

5) The fishing/waterfall outdoor day out

6) THE BIRTHDAY & GIFT UNWRAPPING!! :3

All that happened in a period of 4 days.. which is a rather looong break for me now that I'm working already.. No more weeks long holiday anymore and I need to get used to that real soon.. hahah

We got to eat the Curry Laksa with tofu pok from the Friday night market together.. Bumping into the TBT was an amusing surprise.. hahah.. I'm quite good with faces but it was so unexpected that I doubted myself at that moment...

Well that wasn't the only laksa we had for the weekend. haha.. My aunts made laksa and we get to spend a rather joyous time with my family and aunts.. I had to say that they used to make better Laksa though but that was a loong time ago and afterall it's the company and time spent together that matters. =)

Then came Sunday and we went to church together... I didn't sleep well the night before cuz I had a bad dream and then a little incident caused a drop in the hype momentum..all was well after that and  it was a meaningful heart to heart sharing moment for us.. well I'm not sharing it.. I give my heart entirely to her now.. I love her so much :3 That evening I sent her home and before that, we had Fried porridge, mantis prawns and LALAs!! hehe.. I love those ginger chillis lalas.. 

This is nothing close to any food stuff mentioned above and rather quite unrelated but I'll post it anyway.. hahah.. they were some fancy popcorn thingy we got from MV the previous Sunday..lol 

Went for fishing and then to the waterfall at Ulu Yam with Alexis' family and church friends.. (OMG.. OUTDOOR activities! **insert "what sorcery!" meme**) hahaha.. It was a nice change of pace from the traffic jam and internal combustion engine fumes environment.. and we went FISHING! hahah.. and I caught my first Fish EVER! hahah.. and as expected, my ex-roommate saw the photo and commented sarcastically..lol.. anyway the feeling of the catch was really quite satisfying.. I can slightly imagine and comprehend the hobby of fishing.. just pure comprehension.. not going fishing anytime soon.. I mean I'd go again but not really liking it....... yet (just in case i really do later.. I mean i'll grow old sometime and it might be fun then) lol... I haven't been to the river or a waterfall since forever.. My family isn't exactly the outdoor type... my dad would pull a face longer than an organic bitter gourd if he was dragged to a fishing outing.. hahahaha.. I really enjoyed the river.. building the mini reservoir was a fun experience.. hehe.. and I get to enjoy the refreshing stream with my gf.. =) 

If you think that was all that was fun that day... that's where you're wrong...*beeeeeeep**.. lol

 

someday Imma have my own brand of burgers.. It's called the "slimming burgers"!!! 

call now: 1300-eat-andwon'tgrowfat

Light bulb lit up and I got the idea of keeping my baby with me for the rest of the evening.. hehe.. we were dead hungry.. we hunted the burgers down like fat-ass Americans.. only that we're not fat... =P

(disclaimer: The author is not liable for any gain of weight in the course of reading this post and thereafter)... 

And if you thought that was all we had... you're sooo wrong.. 

We had pre-birthday Cheeze cake slices and cHeEzY MACaRoNi!! So cheezy it's not for faint-hearted... 

**moving on...*** WAIT!!!! I'm not done yet.. 

We went to Alexis' grandma's place and I get to meet her grandma for the first time... hahah.. 

what a nice cheerful and friendly lady she is... hehe.. and my gf received her bday gift from both her grandma and sister.. sheer glee... xD

spot the caterpillar

Then came the fateful day.. The same day 22 years ago that the world was blessed by the presence of this lovely God's creation.. The suuee-est zha bo I've ever met.. My Girlfriend's birthday :3

you look reaaally cute with a pony tail.. hehe.. then again you'll look cute in the hypothetical baddest hair anyway.. hence the former statement is not valid.. haha

I have waited too loooong to give this to you... my heart rushed with all kinds of impatience when you told me how much you wanted this.. In my heart was screaming "I HAVE IT!!!" hahah..

The unwrapping of gifts was a really fun time.. hehe... and I have my cravings for BKT satisfied shortly after that.. followed by books shopping and chocolate fap frap sipping ; Total Recalling and then finally the Sushi 口に kuchi ni-ing.. hahaha...

Whoever you are.. if you're reading this.. hear this: 

***wave hand*** ... you want to be jealous of us.. 

***wave hand*** ... you want to be us

***wave hand*** ... you want to buy me McD... (i'm really hungry now..naaooo.. hahah)

anyway.. that wraps up the whole aweshume raya holidays...

here's a photo long overdue.. hahah.. Le me in hard hat and working clothes..

Oh today I finally got my company name card.. hahah.. yeah.. It does make me feel really grown up.. If only the card was pretty though.. but i guess it's fine.. hehe... got chinese name one.. so damn obvious it's a cinapek company.. hahaha.. I had to walk to the shop to get it myself though.. cuz everyone was damn busy and I needed it urgently for tmrw's meeting.. guess ppl will be contacting me soon enough.. 

Hehe.. this post took me long enough and I'm hungry...lol.. 

Till I post again.....